Notes from halfwitted backers
WHY IN THE SEVENTEEN HELLS do those DROOLING DULLARDS need positive reinforcement for their BRAINDEAD RAMBLINGS?!?! Oh, for pity’s sake, go on then…
01
Arrival
Greetings to the Lord High Lackey and Chief Minion,
I would like to humbly report the arrival yesterday of Ner!bakx Flinger of Slime, and I hope that he/she is settling in well.
On first extracting him/her from his/her transport module, I was not smitten by any emotional response. I smoothed out his/her discombobulated extremities and placed him/her in a place where he/she could look around. While looking at him/her I did not detect any movement, but on returning after an absence got the impression that he/she might have turned round a bit to get a better view.
This morning, on looking at him/her again, I noticed that he/she was surrounded by a pale pink sort of aura and was looking unbelievably cute. I also noticed that people outside going up and down the road were surrounded by a sort of greyish aura and appeared somewhat menacing. Do you think we need to lay in some weaponry to protect ourselves from the outsiders?
I will try to keep you informed of any further changes that I notice.
More greetings and humble obeisances.
Grovel, grovel.
02
Attention Thargon
What – Ho Thargy-Babes,
How’s your Self-Deludedness today? In best narcicisstic denying mode I hope?
Cute little Vilian Woemaker has arrived safely, cuddled up in her little tin (squashed rather, you cruel ulcer – driven Piss Pot).
She-He prefers to be called Toodles by the way… so much more friendly and affectionate.
“Friendly! ” I hear you explete …”Affectionate!”…Yes, Indeed …She-He found all the training for Brain Probing, Crushing, Killing etc so Boring… and as for Her-His diet, Toodles loathes the taste of Blood and raw Household Pets.
So…using the Tempting Delights of Marmite and Lettuce Sandwiches (English Marmite of course, NOT the horrible Antipodean slime), Battered Blue Cod and Chips followed by Hokey-Pokey Ice cream with Choc Whizzz as aids to settling Toodles Happily in her-His new Home we are looking forward to a long and happy Life together.
We are both confidently expecting that your Thargon-ness will inevitably (and soon) fatally explode due to Consuming Anger, Ulcers, etc before you can wreak destruction on our so called Puny Planet.
So Toodles and I take our leave…
P.S. I must admit to some (very vague) feelings of sadness for you in your deluded state of megalomania.
Have you ever thought of consulting a good psychiatrist? Taking some lovely mood -altering medication?
No…I thought not ……
REND THIS ONE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE, AND REND IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AS FOR YOU, WOEMAKER, I WILL MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY YOU WERE EVER SPAWNED!!!!!!
03
Target acquired
Saucebiscuit the Deranged has commanded me to inform you that he has successfully taken control of the target. No clue what that means, but I feel compelled to tell you anyways.
[Give me strength…] YOURS NOT TO REASON WHY, LACKWIT!!!! Saucebiscuit!!! Maybe just straight to the gladiator slave-pits for this one!!